


Here There Be Heists

by aprilmay (AnnaHay), Daydreaming_In_The_Void



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Heist, Heists, M/M, SO, Tags will be added as they become relevant, Thief Taako, and i decided to write it, artificer Taako, check her out, hes a proffesional thief instead of a chef, it started as a joke between me and my friend anna, more characters and relationships will be added as the fic goes on, okay actual tags now, shes great, this was really fun to write!, yeah! its fun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-23
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:01:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28272054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnnaHay/pseuds/aprilmay, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Daydreaming_In_The_Void/pseuds/Daydreaming_In_The_Void
Summary: An au where instead of becoming a famous chef, Taako becomes an infamous thief instead. He meets the Grim Reaper and a boy detective along the way.Their first job together? Stealing the valuables from a safe on the Rockport Limited, and catching a serial killer, at Angus' insistence.
Relationships: Angus McDonald & Taako, Kravitz/Taako (The Adventure Zone)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 18





	Here There Be Heists

It was a particularly uneventful night in Neverwinter. It wasn't particularly cold, or warm, few people milled about.

It was just the kind of night Taako liked.

As he stepped towards the bank, he pulled up his hood, casting a quick 'Disguise Self.' His hair turned a darker shade, curling more, and long pointed ears appeared short, human, eyes lightening and changing shape.

He hopped over the locked wire gate, not bothering to use his lockpicks. Wasn't like climbing over was difficult. Walking up the elaborate path lined with shrubs, he lifted his wand, then reconsidered. Why waste spell slots on Knock and a spell to silence it when he could just use his lockpicks?

At the elaborately carved door he kneeled down, slipping the lockpicks from his sleeve into his hand and inserting them in the lock, taking a deep breath.

As soon as the door unlocked, the alarm would sound, and he would only have a few minutes to grab what he came for and get out. Even still, he doubted he would be able to get away without the guards seeing him. Despite that, he was confident in his ability to escape them; it wasn't the first time he’d had to run from the guards with stolen goods and it definitely wouldn't be the last.

Just before he could turn the picks in the lock, there was a loud ripping noise behind him and he spun around, slipping his wand into his hand and pointing it, narrowing his eyes.

In front of him stood an attractive, dark skinned man with red eyes, dreadlocks pulled back from his face, glimmering red earrings just barely visible. He was dressed in a black and red suit, but most notable was the fact he was holding a scythe that wouldn't look out of place on a painting of the Grim Reaper. Behind him, the air was rippling, darkness and stars visible beyond.

"Well, that's suspicious," he said, raising a brow, cockney accent prominent.

"You're here too," Taako said lowly, not lowering his wand.

"I'm here for-- let me see..." He waved his hand and a thick, glowing book appeared floating above it, pages flipping wildly. He looked down at it, scanning the page it settled on for a moment. "Lup? No, that's not right. Taako?"

Taako’s eyes widened and he looked around frantically, scanning the exterior of the fancy bank for any escape method. There was nothing-- the man stood between him and the only exit.

"Nope," he said. "Not me. What's a Taako? I'm not a Taako."

"Okay, so you definitely are Taako."

Taako shifted anxiously between both feet. "I-- can this wait?” he asked. “I've, like, got a thing I'm doing?"

"You mean robbing a bank?" The man prodded flatly.

Taako shrugged. "I call it redistributing wealth. Plus, these guys fucked over their employees big time."

"So your solution is to rob them?" The man pressed, increasingly frustrated and trying not to show it.

"Look, thug, what's your name?” Taako scowled, patience depleting. “If you don't get out of here, or at least back off and let me do my thing, I'm gonna tentacle your dick!"

The man blushed. "I, uh... that's certainly one of the more, ah, creative threats I've received," he said, accent slipping into something more familiar to Taako. "I'm Kravitz, and I guess after you're done here, I can... take you in, so to speak?"

"We'll talk about why the fuck you're here afterwards," Taako said, pocketing his wand. He was relatively certain Kravitz wouldn't attack him now, and kneeled back down to focus on his lockpicking.

"I have to say,” Kravitz piped up, “this is certainly not what I expected to find when I took this job.”

"Oh, so you're a bounty hunter?" Taako shifted the lockpicks.

"Something like that... Hey, isn't that going to set off the alarms?" he asked, awfully concerned for someone whose intent was supposedly to arrest Taako.

"Do you always talk this much when you steal?" Taako muttered.

"I don't,” Kravitz said quickly. “Steal, that is."

Taako rolled his eyes. "While you're here, you might as well help out."

"Does that mean you'll go with me peacefully?” he asked. “As soon as we’re finished here?”

"I don't even know why you're after me," Taako said, frowning in frustration. 

Kravitz scoffed. "I find that difficult to believe."

"Believe whatever you want. Doesn't change the truth." Taako bit his tongue as he shifted the picks again, and with a satisfying  _ click! _ the lock sprung open.

Immediately, the alarms sprung to life, ringing with an almost painful clarity. Taako rushed through the door and Kravitz followed, wincing at the noise.

"Why not just cast a silencing spell?" Kravitz shouted over the ringing, watching Taako make his way to the vault at the back of the bank.

"Don't have it in my spell book," Taako called back, stopping at the door and pointing his wand at it, knocking on it with his free hand. The knock that emanated was louder than it should've been, audible even over the shrieking alarm. The door clicked open.

"You don't know Silence, but you know Knock?"

"What?” Taako answered, defensive. “I'm not a cleric."

He pushed open the door, grinning and self satisfied as he saw the gold, silver, and copper pieces piled up in the room.

"You think they'd organise this better." Kravitz muttered, peeking over Taako’s shoulder.

"Makes it easier for me!" Taako walked forward and shrugged his knapsack off his shoulders, sweeping as many coins as he could into it. "Do you have a bag?" he asked.

"I-- me?" Kravitz asked, surprised.

"No, I was talking to that nice tiefling gentleman behind you." Taako glanced back, raising a brow at Kravitz. "Yes, you."

Kravitz cleared his throat. "I do."

"Great!” Taako called. “Hurry up and put a bunch of coins in; we've only got, like, a minute to get out of here."

Kravitz raised his hand again, and an expensive looking, ornate backpack appeared in his hand. He followed Taako's actions and swept a bunch of coins into it, looking vaguely self-conscious and guilty.

"And now," Taako announced, "we get the fuck out of here."

"How?" Kravitz asked, looking worriedly back over his shoulder. Out the window, he could just barely see movement. The guards must've arrived.

Taako slung his bag over his shoulder and paused, blowing a strand of hair from his face only for it to float down again. "Uh, run like hell?"

Kravitz slumped, exasperated. “Do you always do things with so little planning?”

“I have a plan!” Taako protested. “It’s just... not very elaborate.” 

“Yes, I can see that,” Kravitz retorted.

Taako frowned, arms crossing. “Well, okay then. What’s your plan, genius?”

Kravitz mirrored his crossed arms. “I can open a rift to someplace else,” he said confidently.

“That thing you came here in?” Taako asked, surprised.

“Yeah, that.”

Taako hesitated. “...I admit, that’s definitely a better plan.”

“That’s what I thought,” Kravitz said with a smirk, summoning his scythe to appear in his hand. He slashed through open space with it, and a rift identical to the one from earlier appeared, the image of a park just barely visible through the rippling stars.

Taako whistled. “Impressive.” 

They stepped forward, but before they could go through the rift, the front door of the bank slammed open and a silver-armoured guard stomped through, brandishing a halberd proudly. 

He groaned as he saw Taako. “Not  _ again. _ ” 

Taako waved cheerfully. Krab looked between the thief and the guard.

“You two… know each other?” Kravitz asked tentatively.

“Nope!” Taako chirped in response. “I’ve just evaded capture a  _ lot.” _

The guard rushed forward, and Taako pushed Kravitz towards the rift. “Time to go!”

The two stumbled through the rift, and with a loud zipping sound, the rift closed behind them.

Suddenly immersed in near silence, or at least near compared to the racket from a few moments ago, Taako began to laugh.

“Hatchi matchi,” he giggled, pulling out a compact mirror and wiping underneath his eyes in the reflection. “Gotta love the rush, huh? Phase one, done and done.”

“Yes,” Kravitz agreed politely, still brandishing his scythe. “Well, that was certainly something. Now, if you’ll recall our agreement… wait.” His gaze snapped to Taako, and his eyes narrowed. “‘Phase one?’”

Taako put his mirror away, grinning. “Hope you didn’t have plans for tonight.” He tightened his updo and began to trudge off in a different direction, seemingly towards the road.

Kravitz tightened his grip on his scythe and sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Comments and Kudos appreciated. 
> 
> Thanks to my friend Anna for beta-ing and writing the last bit of the chapter!! She's amazing, please check out her writing!
> 
> Have a nice day!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed it.
> 
> A comment and Kudos would be appreciated!


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